For You I Write

Inspired by Jane Austin


To fully think for oneself should be a blessing,
Not a curse or a hindrance
To fully accept the truth that a brain is far better than beauty always.
However, this concept cannot seem to grip the masses of society.
We are constantly choked by our own hands at the expectations
That are centuries old.
What woman truly aspires to be a subservient wife to a man who may love her,
but rarely appreciates her worth.
What woman truly aspires to cast away every dream she danced to as a child, to bare children that will be persuaded to follow the same suit as she.
Though these things are wondrous gifts of life - love, marriage, children, motherhood - but how many sit in bed dreaming of this future at the ripe age of 6 or 10.
Most women dream of lives filled with passion, love, acceptance, beauty, and above all intelligence.
To be considered and appreciated, not by the stigmas of society to what is beautiful and what is not.
But to be acknowledged by her wit, charm, tongue, and thought.
Why can this concept not prevail?
What is so threatening of a woman with free thought and free spirit to enjoy the life the Divine has blessed her with?
To every woman who dares think for yourself and stand up for what she believes in and to never settle for anything less than deserving...
I write for you.

An Acquired Taste

Written in the 8th or 9th grade (98-00)...somewhere in between there. Been published once...

I am like an empty bottle of alcohol
drained clear by your need for feminine knowledge.
I will intoxicate you upon ingestion
of my thoughts.
I am a destructive grey tornado
as I soar down dirt clod alleyways
exhilarated of my own strength
against the weak.
If you upset me, my wrath will be
something you'll not want to contend with.
I am a fiery butterfly, ignited with
the passion of a spiritual metamorphosis.
I am obsessed with the thought
of the progression of my soul.
I am an undetected ghost as I drift
around haunting your feeble thoughts.
I am what you will be thinking about
even after you've forgotten.

My Mindless Clutter

Written a while back when I was in a situation in which I could not be with my sweetie...


Ever felt like
Nothing was right
Yet nothing was wrong either?

Ever been so confused
Everything makes perfect sense?

Enter stage right
Into my mindless clutter...

Where everything is backwards
And upside down

Where your heart quivers in fear
And your soul wants to find another body

Ever taken a deep breath
That just wasn't deep enough?

That's what it's like to
Try and escape...going nowhere.

There is no bass beat
To any song to drown yourself in

No escape....

This is my mindless clutter.

Between Me and You

More about the wonderful man who has my heart and soul tucked away and protected... :)


Skin of cream
Hair of jet
Eyes of dreams
I wish to see myself in

Think of you
Think of me
Is this what you want
Is this what you need

I'll do my part
If you do yours

Just please embrace me in your arms.
They are strong to keep me safe
And gentle to give me pleasure.

My dreams will go wild
Until I know the truth
Of what is to lie
Between me and you.

Insane Ramblings

Something I wrote a while back about the man of my life..


Living or
Knowing
When am I awake
And when am I dreaming?
The two fade and become
When I'm around you.

Thoughts intertwined like legs
Emotions as curious as hands
Words as pleading as lips

You make my brain short circuit
And my body overheat

I can't stop the thoughts
Nor do I want to

This insanity will be the death of me
As long as this insanity carries your name.
I will be safe in the darkness it will bring
And let it embrace me
like your arms ache to do so.

Wrap me up and tuck me away
Hide me for your rainy days.
Let me be the sun
that never sets just for you.
Never leaving you in the darkness
which is wrapping tightly around me.

I won't beg
You don't like it
But all I ask is
Just save me from myself.

To New Beginnings...

Something I stumbled upon today while looking for something else.  That's how it works normally I've come to realize.  For the new beginnings in my life, this is very appropriate. I hope you find comfort in it as I did...

Daily Necessities
Tips & pointers for building a spiritual life from scratch

Pray
Meditate
Be aware/Stay awake
Bow
Practice yoga
Feel
Chant and sing
Breathe and smile
Relax/Enjoy/Laugh/Play
Create/Envision
Let Go/Forgive/Accept
Walk/Exercise/Move
Work/Serve/Contribute
Listen/Learn/Inquire
Consider/Reflect
Cultivate oneself/Enhance competencies
Cultivate contentment
Cultivate flexibility
Cultivate friendship and collaboration
Lighten up
Celebrate and appreciate
Dream
Give thanks
Evolve
Love
Share/Give/Receive
Walk softly/Live gently
Expand/Radiate/Dissolve
Simplify
Surrender/Trust
Be born anew

from Awakening The Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das

Back from a long sabbatical...

Though the sabbatical was not planned, it was needed.  Much as has happened since I last posted.  I've declined in some areas of life, progressed in others, and many changes have occurred everywhere.  With this being said, this blog is taking on a new face...

This blog used to be about my trek through working with Young Living, a holistic company I still treasure.  I am still working with Young Living, but have pulled away from being a distributor as much.  My move to Belgrade, Serbia has halted many things.  I still use my Young Living, though as of right now, everything is still Stateside.

From here on out.. this blog will be the actual musings of my mind, just as the title says.  The good, bad, and ugly workings of the over-analytical brain encased in my thick skull. ;) 

With this being said, I hope those that have followed me continue, and those that read this will continue to.  I am working with three blogs right now.  One of the them takes precedence over all.  With that noted, please forgive me if I fall behind at times...

Thanks!

What To Do

So what do you do.. when all hells break loose between you and your significant other(SO)?

A week ago a long conversation was had about how to better our situation.. then a week later.. seems like nothing matters and that no matter what I say is a lie. No way to prove differently. There is no trust between us much anymore these days. We love each other. Might be kind of hard to see sometimes... but we do. Whether we're "in love" I'm not sure of anymore.. and as the saying goes if you have to ask yourself than more than likely you aren't.

But I have to ask.. when is anyone ever IN LOVE with someone they are with? None of the people I know are... true I don't know what IN LOVE for them is.. but you can tell by their behavior they aren't. Most are willing to fool around or lie to their SOs. I won't lie and say I'm innocent..far from. But I deal with those demons on a daily basis. And one day I'll get over them. I'm sure of that.

What do you do when you make a friend to someone that your SO doesn't like? Yet has no justifiable reason to dislike said friend minus said friend is of the opposite sex. I could understand being concerned over a friend that is local.. but these friends are international.. and we've never met one another. But I can't be mad about female friends he has locally... *shrugs* I love the double standards.

I've contemplated my future for a while.. and those close to me know this. I've considered where and what I am and want to be. I know I want to be overseas. I feel at home there. Nothing against the US. I could do embassy work and be happy. Best of both worlds .. living overseas and yet still working for a country I do love, contrary to popular belief. Hehehe.

What do you do when you've hit that wall in every aspect of your life? You can't just stop.. well you could, but I don't consider that an option. Do you take the easy route and go around the wall, sidestepping the problem until a different time and place? Do you jump it hoping you don't lose your grip and fall again? Do you sit down and study the wall, your surroundings, and the things you have at hand to get over the wall successfully? I know I'd like to think I take the last of those approaches.. but I'm done lying to myself.. I know normally I either walk around it until a later time or I try to jump it ignorantly and pray I don't lose my grip. Well I'm tired of this... but what do you do when you try to take the last approach and solve the problem properly instead of ignoring it and everyone around you can't handle it... they abandon you, they accuse and assume things in which you do not do.. what do you do??

This is where I am at in life... suggestions anyway?

Oi! Way Too Long!!!

So sorry world!! I know it's been WAY too long..

Life just constantly smacks me in the face with things. I am beyond clueless what to do in life about a few things...what I want to do, what I'm meant to do, and who's going to be in life when I'm doing it all...

More confusing insanity with my personal life. I read a book that got me thinking more than I already was.. Not sure if that was a good idea or not. Though some say.. you shouldn't have to think about your relationship too much.

I just need a diagram for life right now. Maybe not all of my life. That would be no fun. But just for bits and pieces at VERY complicated and confusing times in life. Yeah yeah yeah.. that's life's lessons to us. But sometimes it would be nice to get a break.. a clear sign... maybe I'm blinder than I thought I was.

Unfortunately expanding knowledge of holistic subjects have been on pause right now.. a lot of things have been.

Blah.. will write more later.. I'm at work for now.

19 Days Later...

Well...

I've still not found the specific oils to cure all issues in life. But the search has been nice. :)

Almost everyday of the week I have my diffuser going in the house with peace and calming wafting through the air. While this does not solve specifics, it does help keep some semblance of a clear mind. I've been doing some digging through my oil and herb books to see what oil/herb - single or compound - would help shine some light on the subject.

While I'm still at a loss for specifics, it is not because the information is not available. It's because before you can treat the illness, you have to know what it is. And in my case as of late, that is unknown. I take one day at a time with a Plan B and maybe a Plan C in my back pocket, trying to be ready for anything that is thrown at me again. While things like Peace and Calming help keep me leveled mentally and restrain me from going cliffside, I'm still lost on sorting out the emotions and thoughts that wander aimlessly like homeless children with no guidance or direction. I know that through many things including oils I'll manage and come through these tribulations. Oils will be my icing on the cake that help pull the emotions to the surface, hopefully one by one instead of all at the same time, to help face the things that have presented themselves to me.

I'll keep the blog updated on how things so. For now though it's back to work and back to studying for Plan B. :)

Catching Up and Sorting Out

So it's been abit since I've last written. I do apologize. Life has thrown me about four curve balls at once and I'm not Kali to try and catch them all.

One good thing is I finally remembered to send in for my diffuser and it came in. I use it as frequently as possible! I think it's the only reason I have some sanity right now.

So I've had many questions looming in my head and the loudest one right now is "Have you ever wanted to throw the towel in, pack all your crap, move and start over?" Well I'm definitely at the point right now. I've realized I need a large stock of oils right now to help me get through everything without severe and multiple anxiety attacks. I think I'll be growing my supply quickly.

I'm not sure how to handle being told that after 6 years with someone, 4 of those where marriage has been discussed and planned bit by bit that your boyfriend no longer wants to marry you - or anyone for that matter. He says he's not the marrying type. Oh flooded with the multiple emotions and thoughts and the "what do I do now?" scenarios. I'm still weighted and unsure. But I'm thankful I'm young enough to figure things out without feeling like I've thrown my life away. And thankfully this all happened before a ring was ever bought. But I guess that's why it's been delayed everything he's thought about. I've realized as well there isn't a Young Living oil that acts as a restart button. I've looked. Hehehe :D

I was rereading one of Jan's blogs earlier - about your definition of happiness - and it just stirred my thoughts anymore. I guess back to more thinking for now. And more digging for oils that will solve the world's problems. ;) (Just kidding - would be nice though.)

Good Morning!!

I'm writing this while I sit at my desk at work, pondering my existence and future. Nothing critical or negative - just where I want to be in the next 5, 10, and maybe even 15 years.
Now one might ask "What does that have to do with oils and/or herbology?" Well, those things play a big part of where I want to take my future. Besides wanting to publish my novels I'm working on, and opening a really eclectic coffee shop, I want to open a business that works with the Holistic side of life (and the occult). I thought originally that I'd focus on herbs. I will stock a plethora of them, but I really want to focus on expanding the knowledge of essential oils to the public. While they can and normally are more expensive, they are definitely more potent and portable!

In my drive to reach this goal, I've begun to buy quite a few books offline and snag duplicates from others. While I'll have to add to this blog later or create another one, I want to say there are a ton of wonderful books out there to read. I've landed on very cheap and surprisingly in great condition books from Amazon. Bought a book by Dr. Gary Young (the founder of Young Living Essential Oils) for a penny! Can't complain! :D

For now...I'll conclude and come back after a while with titles and some tidbits about them and how I use the resources!

Ciao!!

The Beginning

I guess like most things, there is a beginning to it all. To explain how I got to the point of becoming a distributor of Young Living, I'd have to explain a bit about my past, so bare with me...

Once upon a time.. ;)

I was born to a wonderful family - my mother Glenda, my father Eric, and my sister Jennifer. Now, I'll skip over the drama of my childhood that led to my parent splitting, my sister and I bouncing between households and such.
Fast forward to 1993. I moved in with my mother and sister who've been living back together for a little over a year. I barely knew my mother and was glad to be back with my sister. She was my staple through my childhood. And still is to this day.
My mother was and still is a very open-minded woman. And I love her for it. She raised my sister and I to be aware... of everything. This including mundane things like changing flat tires, checking oil in cars, an doing head jobs at the age of 12. This also included working with energy, knowing about karma, kundalini, reincarnation, and other religious beliefs by the time I was in the six grade. School wasn't an easy task for me.
Later down the road, around the age of 12 - 14, I became involved with the local pagan community, and to this day it is still my religious home. But this path has brought about a wealth of interests to me.
It started with herbology. I love to work with nature to heal. Everything is here for a reason. And while I'm a firm believer in that theory that many of our problems with our health are due to internal issues, we sometimes need outside help to conquer those inside problems. I had a drug addiction for a couple years during my teenage years, which makes me now lean at natural as possible when it comes to "medications" and such. I turn to my herbology.

Until recently...

Now I've used my knowledge of herbs to another level and started working with oils. They are more effective, pure, and easier to handle. My love of oils brought me to Jan. The universe knew we needed to meet. Jan Bowers introduced me to the purest oils I've ever come in contact with. The first time I met her I had been going through a ton of brick walls with life and she ended up holding me and letting me cry until she forced me to stop and breathe. She let me play with her expanded collection of Young Living Essential Oils. And then frankly informed me why I was attracted to the ones I kept going after. I wasn't happy about most of the news, but I was willing to accept what she was saying. We talked a bit more and realized we had a lot in common.
She suggested I look into the Young Living company as a distributor. She informed me I had a nose of oils - as it seems I can pick most of them apart prior to knowing what they are. I finally got some things together to where I could become a distributor. And it's so far in just a couple of weeks been one of the best things I've done in life.

My boyfriend and I notice the difference between us. I use Peace and Calming to keep him and I level headed since we both have short tempers at times. It keeps my cats from fighting, simply by applying a drop behind the ears. I've used the Thieves blend on my boyfriend Athelete's Foot. Applied it once and a couple days later it was already drying out and clearing up. Not a normality for him. He was thankful though!

I've already introduced a few who aren't so open to thought of aromatherapy or essential oils could help heal, and they believe me now. It's amazing how something as simple as your nose and smelling something could change your outlook on life.

Mother Nature offers us amazing gifts that we take for granted. It's time to rekindle our love for Her and accept the gifts and knowledge she left for us in her beauty and better ourselves as individuals and for humanity as a whole.

For now, I'm burying my nose back into more books to educate myself further on oils and their healing properties. Until next time..