My Mindless Clutter

Written a while back when I was in a situation in which I could not be with my sweetie...


Ever felt like
Nothing was right
Yet nothing was wrong either?

Ever been so confused
Everything makes perfect sense?

Enter stage right
Into my mindless clutter...

Where everything is backwards
And upside down

Where your heart quivers in fear
And your soul wants to find another body

Ever taken a deep breath
That just wasn't deep enough?

That's what it's like to
Try and escape...going nowhere.

There is no bass beat
To any song to drown yourself in

No escape....

This is my mindless clutter.

Between Me and You

More about the wonderful man who has my heart and soul tucked away and protected... :)


Skin of cream
Hair of jet
Eyes of dreams
I wish to see myself in

Think of you
Think of me
Is this what you want
Is this what you need

I'll do my part
If you do yours

Just please embrace me in your arms.
They are strong to keep me safe
And gentle to give me pleasure.

My dreams will go wild
Until I know the truth
Of what is to lie
Between me and you.

Insane Ramblings

Something I wrote a while back about the man of my life..


Living or
Knowing
When am I awake
And when am I dreaming?
The two fade and become
When I'm around you.

Thoughts intertwined like legs
Emotions as curious as hands
Words as pleading as lips

You make my brain short circuit
And my body overheat

I can't stop the thoughts
Nor do I want to

This insanity will be the death of me
As long as this insanity carries your name.
I will be safe in the darkness it will bring
And let it embrace me
like your arms ache to do so.

Wrap me up and tuck me away
Hide me for your rainy days.
Let me be the sun
that never sets just for you.
Never leaving you in the darkness
which is wrapping tightly around me.

I won't beg
You don't like it
But all I ask is
Just save me from myself.

To New Beginnings...

Something I stumbled upon today while looking for something else.  That's how it works normally I've come to realize.  For the new beginnings in my life, this is very appropriate. I hope you find comfort in it as I did...

Daily Necessities
Tips & pointers for building a spiritual life from scratch

Pray
Meditate
Be aware/Stay awake
Bow
Practice yoga
Feel
Chant and sing
Breathe and smile
Relax/Enjoy/Laugh/Play
Create/Envision
Let Go/Forgive/Accept
Walk/Exercise/Move
Work/Serve/Contribute
Listen/Learn/Inquire
Consider/Reflect
Cultivate oneself/Enhance competencies
Cultivate contentment
Cultivate flexibility
Cultivate friendship and collaboration
Lighten up
Celebrate and appreciate
Dream
Give thanks
Evolve
Love
Share/Give/Receive
Walk softly/Live gently
Expand/Radiate/Dissolve
Simplify
Surrender/Trust
Be born anew

from Awakening The Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das

Back from a long sabbatical...

Though the sabbatical was not planned, it was needed.  Much as has happened since I last posted.  I've declined in some areas of life, progressed in others, and many changes have occurred everywhere.  With this being said, this blog is taking on a new face...

This blog used to be about my trek through working with Young Living, a holistic company I still treasure.  I am still working with Young Living, but have pulled away from being a distributor as much.  My move to Belgrade, Serbia has halted many things.  I still use my Young Living, though as of right now, everything is still Stateside.

From here on out.. this blog will be the actual musings of my mind, just as the title says.  The good, bad, and ugly workings of the over-analytical brain encased in my thick skull. ;) 

With this being said, I hope those that have followed me continue, and those that read this will continue to.  I am working with three blogs right now.  One of the them takes precedence over all.  With that noted, please forgive me if I fall behind at times...

Thanks!

What To Do

So what do you do.. when all hells break loose between you and your significant other(SO)?

A week ago a long conversation was had about how to better our situation.. then a week later.. seems like nothing matters and that no matter what I say is a lie. No way to prove differently. There is no trust between us much anymore these days. We love each other. Might be kind of hard to see sometimes... but we do. Whether we're "in love" I'm not sure of anymore.. and as the saying goes if you have to ask yourself than more than likely you aren't.

But I have to ask.. when is anyone ever IN LOVE with someone they are with? None of the people I know are... true I don't know what IN LOVE for them is.. but you can tell by their behavior they aren't. Most are willing to fool around or lie to their SOs. I won't lie and say I'm innocent..far from. But I deal with those demons on a daily basis. And one day I'll get over them. I'm sure of that.

What do you do when you make a friend to someone that your SO doesn't like? Yet has no justifiable reason to dislike said friend minus said friend is of the opposite sex. I could understand being concerned over a friend that is local.. but these friends are international.. and we've never met one another. But I can't be mad about female friends he has locally... *shrugs* I love the double standards.

I've contemplated my future for a while.. and those close to me know this. I've considered where and what I am and want to be. I know I want to be overseas. I feel at home there. Nothing against the US. I could do embassy work and be happy. Best of both worlds .. living overseas and yet still working for a country I do love, contrary to popular belief. Hehehe.

What do you do when you've hit that wall in every aspect of your life? You can't just stop.. well you could, but I don't consider that an option. Do you take the easy route and go around the wall, sidestepping the problem until a different time and place? Do you jump it hoping you don't lose your grip and fall again? Do you sit down and study the wall, your surroundings, and the things you have at hand to get over the wall successfully? I know I'd like to think I take the last of those approaches.. but I'm done lying to myself.. I know normally I either walk around it until a later time or I try to jump it ignorantly and pray I don't lose my grip. Well I'm tired of this... but what do you do when you try to take the last approach and solve the problem properly instead of ignoring it and everyone around you can't handle it... they abandon you, they accuse and assume things in which you do not do.. what do you do??

This is where I am at in life... suggestions anyway?

Oi! Way Too Long!!!

So sorry world!! I know it's been WAY too long..

Life just constantly smacks me in the face with things. I am beyond clueless what to do in life about a few things...what I want to do, what I'm meant to do, and who's going to be in life when I'm doing it all...

More confusing insanity with my personal life. I read a book that got me thinking more than I already was.. Not sure if that was a good idea or not. Though some say.. you shouldn't have to think about your relationship too much.

I just need a diagram for life right now. Maybe not all of my life. That would be no fun. But just for bits and pieces at VERY complicated and confusing times in life. Yeah yeah yeah.. that's life's lessons to us. But sometimes it would be nice to get a break.. a clear sign... maybe I'm blinder than I thought I was.

Unfortunately expanding knowledge of holistic subjects have been on pause right now.. a lot of things have been.

Blah.. will write more later.. I'm at work for now.